Monday - I was fine-ish .... except I couldn't paint as long as I wanted to because of my mid/low back pain.
Then Tuesday came - I was running late - and that sort of set the tone for the day... I woke up late, took a shower, by the time I got done, it was 6:15 am - I have PT at 6:30 am - and I hadn't even gotten my breakfast, lunch, or coffee together and it takes about 20 min to get to PT - maybe 15 if traffic is light... I can already feel myself getting full of anxiety. So I stop. I take a deep breath, cancel my PT appt and regroup. I finish getting everything together and head out to work. I merge onto the thruway and a car comes FLYING up on me and almost rear-ends me - I'm freaking out, of course, because there is an 18-wheeler next to me carrying huge boulders and I have no place to go, but thankfully the idiot slammed on his breaks and I was able to slow down just enough to merge over to the lane I needed to go to. THEN I'm apparently not going fast enough because a big SUV harshly pulls out from behind me and then quickly cuts back in front of me, missing my front end by a few inches. At this point, I'm so full of anxiety, I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry... but I didn't. I finally make it to work. Take a deep breath and thank the Lord that I made it there without incident. Then it was just one thing after another... I was getting annoyed and irritated at things I would normally just brush off. Then the drive home was HORRENDOUS!!!!! Traffic backed up for miles, stop. wait. go. stop. wait. go. stop. wait. go, no, wait, stop. ok, go now. stop. go. slow down. stop. go. stop. go. slow down. go. The whole time my anxiety is just building and building as I try to just let things go. Thank goodness I turned on my angry girl music (P!nk playlist) for my ride home, because her music always helps me calm down (ironic, I know... just go with it LOL). FINALLY, I make it home and put everything down, sit on the couch, and just take a deep breath to push it away.
Wednesday.... I wake up in so much pain. Anxiety really does not do the body good.
By Thursday, when I go to PT, I am in so much pain, I am practically in tears.
Friday ... I go to the chiropractor, and he adjusts me and I start to feel a tiny bit better.
Saturday - I go for a massage, which helps only a little ... but I'm still in pain - and have noticed as the week progressed I was becoming angrier and angrier - I just couldn't shake it... so I painted it. And I released it all out.
Sunday (today), I am still in pain, but the anger has mostly dissipated and I am going to begin on the next project of my art therapy, but this was the end result of my angry painting.
All of the nerves coming off my spine are out of control and some are angry. I have tried to make this image as large as possible so you can see the detail, but within the vertebra of the spine, I have marked where I am fused at C5-C6/C6-C7 and where I have a herniated disc (L5-S1) with pinched nerves causing pins and needles down my legs and into my feet, that I am REALLY hoping I do not need surgery on (so far, it's not looking so good).
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